none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
