Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
