I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She told me I should be a condom model.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
