Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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