I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
