is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
