How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i came on her dog
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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