Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.