her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
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he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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