remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.