Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.