; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit