Only a mothe r could love this liver
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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