If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
