Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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