It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Small penises have feelings too.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Loading more great texts...