i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
