Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
