Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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