My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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