Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he puts the penis in happiness.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
