This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
