you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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