I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
