I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
