Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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