i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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