I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
