If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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