Betty ford says i'm here all night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
