Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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