Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
