So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
