Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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