Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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