Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wanna go halves on a baby?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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