First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
