We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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