for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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