those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
