Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
