I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
with your own penis?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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