the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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