He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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