Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I lost the right to judge tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
