I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
