Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
