my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
