So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize