So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
