You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
