Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
