I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Found the puke drawer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who died my cat blue again?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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