Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
