Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
