Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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