Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
birth control should be required to get into college
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
