Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
