I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
