She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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