First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
