Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
