Betty ford says i'm here all night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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