I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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