god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So much rum. So many feels.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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