Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Those nachos came to me in a dream
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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