I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
