The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
