i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
