i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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