11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate your face
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
