lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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