i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
