oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
