i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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