I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
