There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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