I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
