Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you didnt know i had herpes?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
