Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
