It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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