There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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