that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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