He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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