Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
