Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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