Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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