His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
