called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
