We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
