Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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