Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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